One thing I am noticing is the need for validation from people regardless of whether we are close or strangers. This is not something new but it is something that I have momentarily succeeded in suppressing but ultimately failed to conquer over the years.
God, thank You for making this issue increasingly evident to the point that I can no longer ignore it.
Help me to focus and concentrate on seeking favour only in You and not in the eyes of people.
I no longer want this to continue to govern my moods, feelings and the words I speak about myself to create my own world.
This is something that God is right now as I type helping me to confront. In helping me, God is telling me that He is preparing me to perpetually break free from this bondage.
The bondage of where other people’s perception of me: their words and lack of words, their actions and inaction define how I see myself.
At times, it felt like I was stack of building blocks put together by others. Fragile in the sense that they had control over my feelings that manifested in many ways such as unbridled anger.
God created me. He knew me before people at school, work, church, strangers, past partners ever did.
Jeremiah 1: 5
I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.
Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”
God created me to be a prophet to the nations; He set me apart.
He set you apart.
The thing with allowing people’s words, actions and inaction to build you up is that they have the power to bring you down, until it becomes a vicious cycle.
I am not saying that I am puppet that has been controlled by people for all my life. I would say that I operated without really being conscious about it.
Yet the signs were there
- Needing to be validated in all senses of the word: intelligence, looks, relationships,
- Extreme sensitivity in the form of anger or in sometimes apathy after going through the process of suppression.
- Beating myself up if someone did not like me or did not take to my personality
But God is breaking me free from the bondages of being validated or seeking validation from people whether good or bad.
Free from bondage of whether I am good enough for person A or group B. Whether I am good looking enough to the world.
Whether I am worthy: worthy to speak up before being spoken to
Worthy to speak up during bible discussion
Worthy to speak boldly about God being in my life and working in me.
I know the futility in living by the words of people and not of God because the compliments of people have never had a lasting affect on my perception.
They do not alter my heart therefore, demonstrating that they do not hold any true weight.
Yet the negative does but only because I affirm them.
You see it is not people who have power over us, it us allowing them to. We give them permission and therefore do an injustice to ourselves and the Spirit of God in us by surrendering a part of us to subjection of others.
People’s perceptions of me were real to me because I affirmed them.
If I tell you, you are currently dead whilst reading this. You know that is a lie. But we waver when we are not sure in ourselves and allow people to wear us down.
My disposition moving forward is to really pay attention, to incline my ears and focus on the transformative, LIVING WORD OF GOD.
It is the only Word that is going to penetrate our hearts, change our perceptions of ourselves (and His children), transform our thoughts and subsequent actions, with everlasting effects.
I want my actions to match my heart, which is being made true by God. I want all traces of hypocrisy to be dead and gone.
I want to be shaped by the Word of God, which is the truth. And not by the opinions of people.
Psalm 51: 6
Behold, You desire truth in our inward parts,
And in the hidden part You will me to know wisdom.
This confession and the topics touched in all of my posts may reveal someone who is cracked and broken.
Yet, this scripture tells me that what can be perceived as cracks to my outer self is the truth, the Spirit of God, breaking free from my inner self.
Being truthful with your flaws and the realising that you have so many can be daunting, scary and discouraging. But confession brings hope that God is moulding us in His image and He is Truth.
Dr. Charles Stanley defines wisdom as “seeing things from God’s perspective — how does God see this — and then responding to that according to biblical principles.”
The more truthful we are with God about the parts of ourselves that we detest and abhor, the closer we are to receiving healing and freedom from their pull.
God will reveal how He sees things, show us His ways and how to apply them to our lives. He will show us how to walk in Godly wisdom, which is the Truth.
Featured image from http://www.kacb.org
Check out what else Dr Charles Stanley has to say on wisdom here