Self-destruct

My intention for this blog is to never ‘preach’ but to talk about real issues especially mental health, depression etc that even as a Christian I battle with.

Today I want to share something I find easier disclosing to ‘strangers’ than I would my own mother. This post is just me thinking out loud (online) on a bad day.

I go through little moments when I self-destruct, break down and then in a measly attempt bandage myself up again. Sometimes everyday or a couple of weeks apart. But it is inevitable.

One way of coping is by pushing the issues, scenarios, suspicions to the back of my mind.

Sometimes I forget that they are there. Sometimes I have to push a bit more, every hour of the day to get them where I want them to be. Somewhere far away where I am not reminded of my failures. But they always have a way of coming to the surface or manifesting in other ways.

After so many years, I know the process. I know not to do it but in that moment I see no other option so I revert back to my factory setting.

Is anyone else like this?

The irony is that this setting does not align with what God’s Word says about me, His child. It is not who I am in Christ but because I have been this way for so long it is who I define myself as.

Today, I really really really really want to break the cycle. I want to completely believe that God will help me someway or form. If He will not pick up the phone and ease me through this storm, then I pray He will communicate so clearly on how He will make things better and what I should do?

What do we do whilst we wait on Him?

Read His Word.

This time I will never give up on Him but I need Him to help me along the way through the storm.

One thing I know is that no matter how horrible I feel, I know that His Grace is there. No matter how far I fall, He is under me holding me up….. like a safety net lol.

Sometimes you hit a point where you either change or self destruct ― Sam Stevens

Feel free to contact me via this blog or email regarding your thoughts, experiences or anything else – overspillsite@gmail.com

 

Painting by David Revoy

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